This was supposed to be an exciting week, the run up to the publishing of my fourth novel, The Blade’s Fell Blow, but real life suddenly took an unexpected turn; a very good friend died!
I say that it was unexpected but perhaps more truthfully it was simply unlooked for. My friend had cancer but was receiving treatment for it. His decline was rapid, however, so when the news broke it really did take me by surprise. We had been clinging onto a frail hope, perhaps too tightly because it broke. Losing someone whom you have known for so long really changes your perspective of life and the presumed reality.
Writing has not been at the forefront of my thoughts recently, which is hardly surprising. Grief strangles creativity. That said, my friend was one of my first readers. He read ‘The War Wolf’ when it was still in first draft and gave me some great pointers as to how to move the action on. He raved about ‘Eugenica’, in fact he said that it was a book that everyone should read so as to challenge their opinions on disabled people. He is never going to get the chance to read my latest novel. I ordered a paperback copy for him but it still has not been delivered. Way too late now.
In the fullness of time I expect to return with my usual energy and commitment to writing, but not right now. I hope that I will write some stories that my friend would have enjoyed reading. He was a great reader, voracious even, and probably one of my inspirations. He’s gone now and so has my inclination to write properly. When the pain subsides I expect to find it still there, however, unlike him.