Nope. I gave up New Year’s Resolutions many years ago. I can remember listening to a discussion on the subject on the radio in which someone pointed out that this whole making a resolution for the New Year had become meaningless because it had become socially acceptable to break the resolution within a matter of weeks. Also, there seemed to be a top ten of such promises to self, along the lines of ‘lose weight’ or ‘read more books’ or ‘drink less’. For the most part they were nothing more than good intentions.
On consideration of that point I stopped participating in the seasonal making a promise just to break it activity and went for making resolutions as and when I need them. In such instances I make the resolution something that is achievable and of benefit to me. Back in April, 2018, I made a resolution to get through the then imminent surgery; it is one that I am still waiting to achieve. At the time it all seemed quite sensible as I was given a three month recovery period. That changed to six months and is now a little over nine. A lot of thing have gone wrong in that period and not very much seems to have gone right.
At the end of November I underwent yet another surgical procedure that was aimed at helping me walk better while still wearing the external fixator. The actual surgery went well, I was only in hospital for one night. The position of the lower ring means that my foot now sits flat to the floor, which does make walking more natural and more stable. Unfortunately, as we approached Christmas I suffered another infection and had to go onto antibiotics, which did not agree with me and seemed to make me feel even worse. Celebrating my favourite holiday certainly proved to be more of a chore than I had expected. Even without the infection I was still pretty much the invalid, unable to help with putting up the holiday decorations for example. I had a lot of time to just sit and ponder things and one of the subjects that came to mind was my writing, or rather the lack of it.
Another resolution that I set myself back in April was to finish my fantasy novel, but that most certainly has not happened. I understand why, the months have not been a slow but steady period of recovery from the initial surgery. They have, in fact, been a rather constant battle to recover ground lost to infections, pins breaking, and further surgery. The emotional toll has been almost as great as the physical. For the last nine months I have been unable to do most of the things that I enjoy doing. I have watched lots of television. Even though I have seen some very good films, documentaries, and light entertainment I have also grown bored with this medium through overexposure. I want to be active again!
I have never been the most active of people due to my disability but this level of lethargy is proving very frustrating. Everything at the moment is a chore. Getting a cup of tea is a health and safety nightmare due to my lack of a decent sense of balance, it being a hot beverage, growing tired too quickly, and so many other factors that never occurred to me previously. It is like this with almost everything and it has stopped me from writing in a similar manner.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing for me is that the creative process has not stopped during all of this. I keep getting ideas for new stories. I get excited by them and want to start work but then my current situation intrudes and I find myself putting everything onto the ‘for later’ shelf. Because I have to sit with my leg elevated I find that even on a good day I cannot spend as much time working as I would like to.
However, there is some good news at last. I see my surgeon again in early February and I have been assured that we are going to discuss a date for having the frame removed. It will mean me wearing a plaster cast for at least six months afterwards but I can live with that. I know from previous experience that it is easier to sleep with a removable cast than it is with this frame. In fact, everything will get easier.