I had intended on following up my last post about Grace and Tom from my novel, Eugenica, with another piece along similar lines; obviously, that did not happen. My intentions were derailed by an onset of pain.
I have experienced chronic pain for all of my life so far. It is not, I have found, something that you get used to. Medical people tell me that I have, in their estimation, a high pain-threshold, but I still experience pain. I am not a masochist and I really do not like being in pain. Over the years I have developed coping strategies to help me deal with it. These do not stop me from experiencing the pain, nor do they lessen the frequency or intensity, they just help me to cope up to a certain point. Recently, I think I went past that point.
As a result of the surgery that has been carried out on my left foot and lower leg I have suffered nerve damage. Although the foot has been healing well the nerve damage appears to have become more prominent. Lately, it has started disrupting my life to a significant extent, particularly on an evening. It has been disrupting my sleep, which causes other problems. I do use painkillers, I am always ready to resort to them. I do not understand why people hesitate to find relief from pain with medicines. I am not that heroic.
Over time the effects of chronic pain wear you down. It saps energy and makes concentration difficult. This is very detrimental when you enjoy being creative. I have become tired, lacked motivation, and lost interest in things. My creative spark has dwindled. I am trying to get back to normal, whatever that is, but it is difficult. There is no real treatment for the nerve damage. The painkillers can take off the edge and give some degree of relief but they do not stop the pain. Hopefully, this will prove a temporary situation. I did not have this level of discomfort previously and as my foot continues to heal then there is a chance that it might recede again.